"I do".
These two little words are so often seen as the defining moment of a marriage service. As the bride and groom say these words the credits roll and you have your perfect Hollywood happy-ever-after moment. And yet we know that isn't how it works in real life. The idea that Prince Charming and Cinderella's story could end with their marriage is ridiculous. We all too often see marriage as an ending rather than a beginning. We see it as saying "our relationship has reached its most advanced level" rather than realising that the marriage marks the beginning of a whole new adventure together which will be one of continual learning and adapting.
This seems to be reflected in the language which our culture uses to speak about marriage, most significantly, the "I do" concept. In the UK at any rate, the wedding service does not include these words at all. The question is never "Do you love her, comfort her, honour and protect her?" but rather, "Will you". And it seems like a fairly minor thing, but it really isn't. There is a huge difference between saying that I currently do love my wife and saying that, in spite of anything else, forsaking all others, in sickness and in health, for as long as I live, I will love her. The commitment is not saying "as long as X" or "unless she does Y" I will love her. It is a no holds barred promise to love one another, not based on the fleeting emotions and passions of the wedding day but, rather, a commitment to stand together in the struggles of life relying on God's strength.
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Ephesians 5:25
This might be the most frightening verse for an engaged man to read. (It still frightens me that I am going to promise to emulate Christ even to the point of death out of love for my fiancée!) But, more than that, I think it reveals something about our relationship with God. There are numerous times in scripture when the relationship between God and his people is likened to that of a husband to a wife and that gives me reassurance. Because God isn't saying "I do". He isn't promising to love us as long as we are good enough. He doesn't promise to love us so long as we obey certain rules.
God's commitment is "I will". He promises to love us in sickness and in health. He promises to love us in spite of the times we fail. And He promises to love us until the point where he himself died upon a cross for us.
That is better than any Hollywood "I do" and it is a love which human words can never hope to fully capture and I hope that on my wedding day it will be in this mode that I will truly be able to emulate my saviour and say "I will".
